Coincidence? I just don't think so.

When i step outside myself and look at the history that is my life, i often wonder how i got here. Was this the destiny that i was meant to have? All I can come up with is that i was meant to mother the two amazing kids that i have and I was most certainly supposed to meet my boy Spencer. He was the one that was destined to be mine. I think back to when i was younger and knew that i wanted to work with children. This choice came at a relatively young age, and i stuck by it, never wavering from my goals. I think back to my first placement in high school, and it makes me smile. I had actually forgotten about this experience, until very recently.

I had been assigned to a classroom out of Chedoke Hospital. What kind of class is run out of a hospital you ask? A class for communicationally delayed children. I worked with 15 kids who were just like my Spencer. Coincidental, that my first encounter with speech delays occurred for me at the tender age of 15? I remember not fully understanding it. I recall wondering why it was so hard for these kids to get the words out. I remember learning sign language, and singing along to the "put the toys away" song. I fondly recount the experiences, the professionals who loved these children whole heartedly. Coincidence? I don't think so.

When i graduated out of college, an got my first full time job, i was assigned as the case worker for a deaf girl. A very angry, aggressive and challenging deaf girl. Yet again i was faced with helping another child learn to communicate. These experiences, tested my will, challenged my staying power as i developed my skills in working with the children with no words. I remember sitting with this same girl outside her jail cell, after she had been charged with 4 counts of assault against staff members. (I being one of them). The police were going to take her into custody without an interpreter. Despite everything, i could not allow them to take this angry enraged girl to prison, without having some means of communication. Naturally, the police were stunned that a victim would want to assist a perpetrator, but someone had to help this girl get through the night. So...while she wanted to kill me, and charged at me from inside the cell, i remember sitting there and signing with her to try and reach her. Of course most of her signs were "fuck off rooster". Yeah...it was her pet name for me. I might add, she is one in a long line of teens that have told me to Fuck Off. But regardless, eventually she calmed and we made some headway. So, i ask you....i ask myself....coincidence? I don't think so.

I have met many many more kids, that struggle to communicate over the years. Working in emergency receiving assessment allows you to meet all walks of life. Some kids have been challenged with the special needs that prevent them from finding their speech. Some children are so broken and hurt inside that they just can't bring themselves to take the risk necessary to open up and communicate. They have been raised to believe that they weren't allowed to have an opinion, thought or emotion, and if they did have one, they sure as heck better not voice it. The consequence may have been to great. So we work on opening up, expressing themselves, and finding the words within to let other's know how they feel. Coincidence? I don't think so.

My life path.....its been about communication. Talking, expressing and articulating the words. I know Spence was meant to be mine. I never really realized it until recently. The lessons learned along my road have brought me to the place where i could help my own child. As a result, I have learned so much about my own growth, my own capabilities and gifts i have to offer as a Mother, friend, worker and human being.

I am thankful for my destiny. I am forever grateful for the 15 year old girl who nervously entered that classroom, and fell in love with every one of those kids who couldn't speak. I am glad i followed my heart, and accepted the signs when life experiences were being offered to me. Mostly, i am really glad i didn't become a Garbage Lady. I hear the money and benefits are great. But dang......look at what i would have missed out on.