The Holidays....Pure Magic

Wow, I have been going through serious withdrawl! I miss my blogging and have so much to write about. I feel like i need to get the memories down, so i can document the history, the moments of absolute bliss that I have had the good fortune of encountering every single day over the last few weeks.

So much progress, so many wonderful things. I guess I will give you the highlights. To put it quite simply,... I most definately, without a doubt, whole heartedly still believe in Santa Clause. I didn't want too much for Christmas this year, but boy did the jolly man sure deliver.

I attended Spencer's Christmas concert a week or so before the holidays. I was VERY stressed out about this. I suspected that this was going to be a tough for him as he entered the gymnasium and saw about 200 adults staring at him. I had no way of explaining this whole scenario to him, no way to let him know what to expect. He just couldn't grasp it. Like I said before, my little guy learns through living it. So...having been up all night worrying about this, I made my way over to the concert early, with the plan to sit front and center in case he did his fetal position, crying, lip quivering, not knowing where to turn routine. So the big moment arrives, he walks into the gym with his precious gingerbread man hat atop that sweet little head. Spence, stops dead and I can literally see his mouth form into the shape of an "O". I start waving frantically, smiling, and muttering under my breath the following words..."C'mon buddy, you can do this". He spots me, and after about a two second eternity, he followed his friends in the line to the front of the gym. I just kept smiling, and waving, hoping he would be able to pull this off. I just knew if he could do this, it would just strengthen his will to take on more challenges that are out of his realm of familiarity. A year ago........the truth is....he could NEVER have done this. It would have put him over the edge to have to face that many people. But once again, my little boy did what was once the impossible.

He stood at the front of that gym, sang loud, proud and for all to hear. I could see him really watching his teacher for cues, and concentrating really hard to keep up with the language. He smiled often and waved at me after each song. He even added a thumbs up and a bow, which was not choreographed i might add!! He stood through about 6 songs, and the entire time, all i can do is look at all the other parents. I know they are there to see their children. I get that. But, I kept thinking, "Are you all seeing this?" "Stop looking at your kid, and realize how fortunate you are to be witness to this". I know i am a little nuts, and I am certain the rest of the school thinks so too. I not only had a tear, I had ugly cry. The kind where your face scrunches up, your chest heaves and you sound like you have some kind of respiratory/sinus infection. I didn't care....not one bit.

It then occurred to me, that they aren't looking at my boy for a reason. He doesn't stand out as different. In that moment, he was just like everyone else. They were all adorable, and he wasn't sticking out as a child who had any challenges, or struggles of any kind. He was proud...so very pleased with himself. I swear, I will remember that day for the rest of my life. Corny, yeah i know. Its one of those days that reminds me that anything is possible....

CHRISTMAS

It was amazing. My kids...they astonish me every single day. They were so much fun, so appreciative of everything they got. My daughter was thrilled with all her webkinz, Hannah Montanna and High School Musical stuff. She and Spencer left out nine carrots, cookies and milk. She even left Santa a note, buttering him up a little....just in case he saw any of the less than pleasant things she had done during the year. That girl knows how to think on her feet....gotta give her credit. I was also really proud of her for saving her money up to buy such wonderful gifts for her family. She put alot of time, thought and effort into picking out her gifts. She is getting so grown up...

Spencer was completely wrapped up in Christmas this year. Probably the first year, that he really understood, and grasped all of the excitement. The first few Christmas' of his life were sad for me. Spencer didn't like toys, and really didn't have an interest. Not this year! He had asked for Diego's rescue center. The first time he has ever asked for a toy i might add. When he opened that, he screamed, and was about as excited as any child can be. That...well...that was the biggest and best Christmas present anyone could have ever given me. Funny how our priorities change, I am still amazed by how much i have changed through this process. Seeing my kids happy, really was all I needed for Christmas.

SO, to Santa......thanks big guy. You're the best!

The Phone Book

Funny thing happened yesterday. I came home from work to be greeted by my little man at the door. He was so excited, smile from ear to ear. To be perfectly honest, he was jumping out of his skin. Wow, he really did miss me.....look how happy he is to see me. Right? WRONG!! Spencer was on cloud nine, losing his sweet little mind because the best thing happened to make it the perfect day. The new phone book arrived!!

Spencer told me how the big book came. "Mama, we got the new big book". I don't think he could have showed more teeth if he tried. I said, "I can see that we got the new phone book and you are very excited". Spencer proceeds to say "yes and it is so very yellow Mama". Just when i thought he couldn't smile anymore, he proved me wrong once again.

That phone book. Any phone book for that matter. It doesn't matter if it is a thin phone book, a thick phone book and one from another city. Every time i look at one of these everyday household objects, i am forever reminded of where this road began. It was the one thing that made me step out of denial, take a look at myself and really truly examine my son's difficulties.. Watching my little boy for hours with his very favourite thing, flipping page by page for hours. I remember those moments like they were yesterday. The distance, the quiet. Watching him while all the while wondering how i was ever going to figure out what was wrong and more importantly, where was i going to even start to begin to address these issues. I didn't like the phone book very much back in those days.

Yesterday, I can honestly say, I realized that I no longer hold ill will towards the phone book. It reminded me of how far we have come. Every year those books look less and less tattered and torn. It reminds me that it no longer symbolizes the silence. Seeing him with that brand new shiny book with the crisp pages, reminds me of how many other phone books he wore out on the road to where he is now. I have all the phone books that Spencer has ever used, strewn about my house. I will probably have them for many years to come. Every year though, we need them less and less. Now, he spends time looking at real books. Looking at the pictures, and listening without flipping pages. Big progress. I know in a few weeks the novelty of the newness will wear off and Spencer will be able to let it go. It makes me look forward to the December's to come. It makes me curious to know if the day will ever come, when Spencer will just use this book to find a phone number, or call for take out.

That night, Spencer settled off to bed with a kiss, and a hug, and his phone book tucked firmly into bed beside him. He is so precious, i swear he is a dream some days.


I told my Mom about this yesterday and we joked that I think Spencer will always have a
fondness for phone books.The day may come where he is settled down, has a job, is in a relationship or has his own place. I can just see him in bed curled up with his phone book at 40 years of age. We laughed about this. It makes me smile to think about my boy as a man one day. Regardless of where his journey takes him, I know one thing is for certain. He will surely know how to find the number for a cab company if he ever gets lost and just needs to find his way home.

A Big Girl's Christmas Wish List

Dear Santa,

I know it is probably not often that you receive mail from the "bigger" kids in the world and although i have not written to you in a very very long time, i wanted to make a few requests of my own this year. I have tried to be a very grown up girl this year, and face my struggles head on. I have worked to be a decent mom to my kids, a hard worker and a good friend. I have tried to teach my kids to be kind and believe in themselves and all of their potential. I want them to know that they can be successful in life if they are honest and kind. For these reasons, I would like to ask you for the following gifts.

* I would like my family to be happy and healthy and for my children to always feel secure and loved.

* I would like you to bring extra special gifts to those people that have supported me over the last year. Without them, I don't know where I would be.

* I would like you to give me the courage and strength to face going back into the full time work force and make the transition easy on my two babies.

* I would love it if you could add more hours in the day.....maybe just 3 or 4??

* I hope that my daughter will continue to grow and thrive, and always feel that she can come to me with any problem that she has. Let her understand how much she means to me even when we may not always get along. Let her know that she is the light of my life, and brings me happiness in ways that are beyond description.

* I wish for her the strength she needs to deal with life as a 9 year old. Please continue to give her the gift of laughter and loads of silly fun.

* For my son........Words. Lots and lots more words, and the ability to continue to make progress around figuring them all out. Please let him understand how proud I am of him and that he makes my life so utterly wonderful just by being a part of it.

* I also want my little boy to have the gift of perseverance. He has been so blessed thus far and it is the gift that continues to get him through some tough times.

* Please let me find the strength to fight for an educational assistant for him for next year. Give me the tools i need so that i may learn to handle my worries a little better.

* Please leave me some speech therapy on my doorstep. I wont be greedy....10 sessions @ 135.00 and hour would suffice. That should cover 5 weeks. I would be forever grateful. :)

* Please let my kids continue to have wonderful friends who appreciate them and adore them for the amazing little people that they are.

* Please don't let them feel sad this year when something doesn't go their way.

*Please let Spencer be successful through his occupational therapy and let the Psychological assessment go well when it is finally our turn.

* Please bring Spencer the Diego Rescue Centre......this is the first year that he has truly ever asked for anything. He never used to like toys Santa, but thanks to you and all your magic....he does now.

* For me.........one last thing. Can you bring me some peace of mind? Not sure if the Elves still make that anymore down in the workshop. I would really appreciate it if you could find some and drop it under the tree for me when you stop by Christmas Eve. Comfort and laughter, and happiness would also fit nicely into my stocking. I would be such a good lady, mom and friend if you could find it in your heart to make my wishes come true.

* Lastly, I hope my kids believe in you for many many years to come. I hope they always know that there is a man with a belly like a bowl full of jelly who looks out for them all the year through.


My apologies if my list seems too long or too demanding. I hope you are doing well in the North Pole and that all of the Elves are helping you to get ready for the big night. Looking forward to seeing you soon.

Sincerely,
Jessica W.
(the not so little kid with a big Christmas Wish List)

So very true...

So, lately i am seeking out the blog's of other "special" moms. I am so astounded to find so many similar stories. Despite, the issues being different sometimes, the feelings are the same. In my search, i found this in an article and thought i would share. Very funny, slightly sad and so very very true.


You know you have a child with special needs when...

* You teach your child HOW to pull things out of the cupboard, off the bookcases, and that feeding the dog from the table is fun. YOu are just happy to know that they can DO these things.

* You can name at least 3 genes on chromosome 21. (You really know your toast if you can spell the full names correctly)

* You fired at least 3 pediatricians, specialists or therapists and can teach your family doctor a thing or two.

* Everything is an educational opportunity instead of just having plain old fun.

* The clothes your infant wore last fall still fit her this fall.

* You view toys as “therapy”.

* You cheer instead of scold when they blow bubbles in their juice while sitting at the dinner table (that’s speech therapy), smear ketchup all over their high chair (that’s OT), or throw their toys (that’s PT).

* You also don’t mind if your child goes through the house tooting on a tin whistle. Strengthens the mouth muscles don't ya know!

* You compare Doctors instead of grocery stores.

* You have been told you are in “denial” by at least 3 medical or therapy professionals. This makes you laugh!

* You have the incredible sinking feeling that you’ve forgotten SOMETHING on those few days that you don’t have some sort of appointment somewhere!

* You get irritated when friends with healthy kids complain about ONE sleepless night when they’re child is ill.

* Your vocabulary consists of all the letters OT, PT, SP, ADS, VDS, IFSP, etc.

* You keep your appointment with the specialist even though a tropical storm is raging because you just want to get this one over with…you waited 8 months to get it…and besides, no one else will be there!* Fighting and wrestling with siblings is considered PT.

* Speech therapy occurs in the tub with a sibling.*

* When potty training is complete, you take out a full-page public notice in the Washington Post.

* The Doctors/Specialists/Therapists/Hospitals etc. all know you by your name without referring to your chart.* You keep a daily growth chartand document any changes.

* You phone all your friends when your child sits up for the first time, or says their first words at age two.

* With a big smile on your face you tell a stranger that your four year old child just started walking last week.

* His medical file is several inches thick and growing.

* You never take a new day for granted.

* You have a new belief…that angels live with us on earth.

Loved this.......made me happy.