The Spectrum Train

When i try to explain to people why it is that i am pretty certain that Spencer is on the Autism Spectrum, i sometimes struggle to pinpoint all the things that have brought me to this conclusion. While my son has always been able to roll with the punches and does not get upset by changes in his routine, he still struggles with his need for repetition, and most definitely can be a creature of habit sometimes. When Spencer was small, he would sit and do things over and over again, usually tuning out the rest of the world. When he was in this mode, there wasn't much that could shift his attention from his task at hand. From lining up forks and spoons, to waving crayons in front of his eyes, to page flipping, these were the things that brought him comfort and happiness. Spencer did not play with toys in the traditional sense. While most children just naturally evolve through the stages of play, I remember spending hours with Spencer trying to teach him how to use toys. I remember wanting him to learn the logic behind their uses. I longed for him to see that this could be fun and enjoyable. When he was about to start preschool, it took me 3 weeks of practice for him to learn to play tag and hide and seek. Running like a wild woman over and over, making crazy faces and hiding in the strangest of places, just in hopes of giving my son some methods in which he could engage other children.


Spencer still has those days. Today, was one of those days. He often needs this to soothe him especially after a hard day. Lately, he has reverted back to this behavior more so than usual. I think with all the pressure and demands of his life, it allows him to have an outlet. He often engages in these activities, after school, or after his speech therapy sessions. I believe my boy gets tired of holding it all together all the time. He works so hard.....so damn hard every single day of his life. As a result, i allow him to go off on his own and take this time for himself. Whether its flipping books, or counting puzzle pieces, i know he needs that time. The wonderful thing about it now though, is that he is not completely consumed by it. I can pull him away from it, without the crying or melt downs. He now can include us in his activities and does not feel the need to be in a world of solitude and distance. He asks us to participate. He doesn't NEED to be alone all of the time.

Today, Spencer demonstrated just how far he has come. He got on the candy train, and was not coming off until his mission was completed. He worked diligently to create the most amazing line of Halloween candy. This covered the entire bottom floor of our house. Little tiny pieces of candy all lined up in straight little lines. Each sucker and chocolate bar meticulously placed side by side. I might add that he waved each piece in front of his eyes before placing it in its designated spot. Spencer asked me to join in, communicating the whole time. "Wook what I make Mama". "Dis is so mut fun". There was a time, not so long ago, where he would never have tolerated anyone being involved in his stimming. (self stimulating behavior than can soothe or calm...usually repetitive). Today though, he invited me to add some candy, and didn't care if it was out of order. He laughed when i accidentally knocked a few pieces out of order. In the past, he would have sobbed uncontrollably had this happened. I tested him today to see how flexible he was willing to be. I pulled a piece of candy out of the line. His very favourite chocolate bar. I told him to take a break with me and we could have a treat. He wouldn't have it. He took the candy and put it back in line in its rightful place. I pushed it further and took the candy again. He stuck to his guns though and said, "No Mama, first twain, then candy". God love that boy, he was being patient with his defiant Mother.

The thing i have realized over the last few years, is that it doesn't always have to be my way. So my kid likes to line stuff up. Maybe he will just be a very organized fellow when he grows up. As someone who is not all that organized, i can recognize how valuable this quality will be in his future. Maybe he waves things in front of his eyes so that he can appreciate how beautiful something is. Maybe he counts things repetitively in order to challenge himself to reach higher. I guess i know now, i can't expect him to conform to the rest of the world, when i can't occasionally visit and appreciate all the great things he has in his world. It can be a fun place. A place where a little boy takes such simple pleasure in things that most people would never think to enjoy. My boy is an awesome individual. He shines brighter and brighter every single day. Today, i fell in love with making a train out of Halloween candy. I fell in love with this game because i didn't have to watch from the sidelines. I was lucky enough to play with my little boy and as per his instructions, we finished that train.....and then we shared a KitKat. :)