Having Faith.....

So, i know this post is going to sound a little egotistical and self centred. As i learn to let my little guy grow up and take steps into the world of independence, i am having to put my trust in those people that work with him. I'll be honest and tell you that this can be a stretch for me. A huge gigantic leap of faith. I have a tendency to sometimes believe that noone could possibly understand Spencer the way i do, and therefore would never be able to help him in ways that are useful and productive. As i write that, i am even a little stunned by the audacity in those words. But regardless, its honest and from the heart.

I have put in my time with kids, gone through the ups and downs. I have made some great parenting decisions and some that i am not so proud of. Through all the choices, I have developed some gut instincts around my kids. I have learned how to handle things when Spencer gets "stuck". I can tell when he just needs time to himself or just a great big hug. I have worked to recognize when my daughter is stressed out and needs some time with her Mom. Sometimes though, this results in my thinking that i should handle everything myself. The whole "if you want it done right, do it yourself" theory.

When you work to protect and guide a little person who completely relies on you, you sometimes end up believing that you have one up on the rest of the universe. While this is true, I am also able to finally acknowledge that people can be committed to your child. They may be of no relation, do not share the same DNA but can still possess natural instincts and can follow through in ways that are caring and supportive. This is a trust that develops over time. I tend to give people their shot with my kids, but heavan forbid if they screw it up. You don't get multiple chances when it comes to my babies. Those that have the "gift" though, thankfully don't need multiple chances. I can learn to trust people to offer support and help me on the road to guiding my son. They have good sound ideas, sometimes some strategies that perhaps i haven't even thought of. I used to struggle with that and would blame myself for not thinking of it first. Selfish and yes even a little narcisisstic, yeah I have been both. I don't really view it like this anymore now. I just feel such comfort in knowing that there are people that care about my son and can come up with creative means to address his issues. They can guide us both, and the pressure doesn't need to weigh on these shoulders quite so heavily.

I still will always continue to follow up and hold these caring people accountable for the ways in which they treat my son. I will always be protective, that will never ever change as long as I have my two kids. I just need to keep the balance thing in perspective. I need to have faith. Faith that its not all about me. Faith that helpers can come in very different forms. In the forms of family, friends, doctors, speech pathologists, special education teachers, and coaches. So many people, all of whom have faith in my son. They deserve a little trust and recognition for all that they do in the course of my sons life. I need to believe that not everyone will let us down. I need to have the faith, and keep being grateful for all the people who are there for us.