No Fanks Said the Defiant One...

Its been a few days since i have been able to blog, and its amazing how much I miss it when i can't put thoughts to paper so to speak. Life has just been so incredibly busy that I barely have time to get through the basics. This morning though, I am making the time.

Defiant. My boy can be defiant. He started with the occupational therapist last week at school. The one I fought so hard to get approval for. The therapist went to meet with Spencer early last week. Lets just say it didn't go so well. I received a call in the afternoon from the therapist, who advised me that the initial meeting wasn't quite the success she had hoped for. Was i surprised by this? Ummmmmmmm....NO. First off, i wasn't aware that she was going to be meeting with him that day. With the "average" child this would not have been a big deal. With my kiddo though, it would have been more productive had I known. It requires an astonishing amount of prep work on my part when Spencer has to face a new professional. He requires reminder after reminder about what to expect and prompting around what is expected of him. Secondly, my little man has never had to have his first encounter with a professional without his Mama there to smooth things over and help him find his comfort zone. When you throw these two road blocks in front of him.............its a car crash waiting to happen.

With that said, Spencer was met by the therapist who pretty much did every trick in the book to try and entice my boy to engage with her. She could have done the lambada while juggling oranges and still he would not have been hooked. Apparently, Spencer just refused to follow through and wouldn't accept any direction she was giving. The great thing about my kid, is his ability to be endearing even while he is basically telling you to hit the high road. He is one of the most polite children, even while being difficult. According to the therapist, this is just what Spencer presented. He continually said things like, "No fank you", "No fanks wady", and when pushed, he replied with " I say NO FANK YOU". I chuckle when i think about this as Spencer tells me "No fanks" at least 12 times a day.

I guess when they returned to the class, the group went to go take bathroom break and Spencer realized that she was not leaving. He proceeded to lock himself in a bathroom stall and hide out. Resourceful guy....thats my boy. I know that he is beginning to realize he is "different" than the other kids. Different in the sense that he is taken out of class for extra work and testing in the special education room. I think Spencer has realized that he doesn't want to be different. He wants to be like everyone else. He doesn't want to be the boy who has to go spend extra hours working on his pencil grip and strengthening his hands. He doesn't want to go work on sound recognition and number work when the other kids get to play at the Drama centre and Playdough. This makes me sad. So very very sad. He was even able to articulate this to me when i asked him about the lady that came to visit. He said, "I no wanna go Mama, udder kids no have to go". How is this not supposed to break my heart? I need to accept that this will be Spencer's reality for many years to come. I need to find a way of helping him accept that this is who he is, and find methods of building rewards of play into his life for all the hard work he is required to do on a daily basis. Maybe it will make the effort he puts forth, less tiring for him.

Its not all bad news though. His therapist is a seemingly lovely lady. She possesses a great sense of humour and was not put off for being kicked to the curb. She wanted to problem solve how best to make Spencer feel comfortable. We discussed wording of expectations, I suggested that perhaps offering the "first" and "then" options. (eg first a task he must complete, followed by a reward activity). I told her I would attend the sessions for the next few weeks or until Spencer is getting through the sessions without issues. I told her i would speak with the teacher about setting up a reward activity for when he returns to the class. Spencer is a kid who needs to know that there will be a pay off. He needs something to look forward to and it doesn't need to be something tangible or huge. It could be 5 minutes with his favourite book, or 10 minutes playing with a friend. It seriously does not take much to make my little boy happy. He will jump through hoops for the smallest of gifts.

So needless to say, at home, we are prepping. Talking about the play lady, getting ready for the next session. At first, I was being hit by the "No Fank You's", left right and centre. Now though, he is weakening. I told him i would attend, and this morning he said "Ok Mama, I maybe try". So by next week, hopefully we will be good to go. Cross your fingers for us, and just hope that my little boy doesn't mutter those words......."No Fanks Wady".