The dreaded grave yard shift really gets you to thinking.

I sit here working another night shift and finally all of the kids have gone to sleep. Recently, we had a new addition to the house. An autistic boy who has extremely high needs. We rarely get special needs clients as it is a house geared more towards providing behavioral stabilization with a behavioral assessment component that assists in planning for our clients futures. Most of our kids have been on the run, had high gang involvement, done time in jail, and sadly, many have issues with depression, or mental health issues. They are usually very out of control by the time they reach our program.

As a result, this new boy is a lamb among the wolves. Thankfully, our tough and street wise teens are quite sensitive to the needs of this boy. It makes me proud to watch them being patient, concerned and kind when dealing with him. This boy is non verbal, on a pics program and has quite extreme behaviors. He self stimulates constantly and is very self abusive. He does not sleep, and is assaultive to the adults around him. All of our other teens, quietly show concern and worry for this boy. When he does fall asleep, they are all very careful not to wake him even though they may be dealing with their own issues. When he awakes in the night, and is screaming for hours on end, these high risk, tough kids...well they don't complain. It makes me realize that even kids who have boat loads of baggage, and histories that the average person would struggle to even comprehend, even they can be empathetic. They can be sensitive and think of others. When i am witness to this, it reminds me why i have one of the very best jobs in the world.

When this boy was admitted, i will admit, it triggered some things for me. I have been in this field for 16 years and have learned to keep boundaries and leave the job on the floor the minute i leave the program. As front line staff, we see some terrible things, and often are left to deal with the aftermath that is most often related to severe neglect and unspeakable abuse. People in my line of work that stick around are in it because they actually really do LOVE it.

In this circumstance, with this very sweet boy with such signifigant needs, I see what it could have been for my son. It could have been my son with such extreme behaviors, in a world so far away that it almost impossible to reach him. I am forever grateful that I do not have a boy who harms himself, or others. It could have been my Spencer, that had to leave home and go into care in order to get him the help he needed. Another blessing, my Spence lives for the hug. He thrives on the hand holding, the kiss and the tickles. He does not get agitated by human contact, and although he sometimes seems to drift away from me for periods of time, I can always pull him back. I was lucky enough that i could always find the means necessary to keep him from retreating away from the rest of the world. Seeing this boy, well, it is my reminder of what my life could have been. I can't even imagine the loss and pain that some of these parents face in trying to help these amazing kids.

The great thing is that i now have some tools to help children like this. There was a day when i was one of those workers who believed i didn't work well with this population. I am glad I have grown, and developed my skills in these areas. If it was my boy who lived in care, I would want someone to be kind to him, treat him with dignity and respect, even when he was presenting some very challenging and difficult behaviors. I would want someone to think he was sweet, and always focus on his positives. I would want someone to take care to help him learn new things and figure out what his favourite activites were. I would want someone who could deal with the frustration and still have the ability to be calming and gentle. Being Spencer's Mom has made me want to be all of those things on this job. Being Kennedy's Mom has made me want to always remember what it is like to be a kid and how scary it can be sometimes. I can only hope that I will just continue to make strides in these areas. Like i said once before....a work in progress...thats me. I really can't wait to see the finished product!